although this is not my first, or even fifth, time having visited las vegas, i've learned some things from my visit this recently past fourth of july weekend that i haven't on previous visits...
1. the buffets in sin city are large and delicious.
2. the only hold 'em game in town to play is the $0.50/$1 no limit at bill's.
3. three card poker and slot machines are for suckers.
4. don't bring kids to las vegas.
this trip was in honor of my cousin jessy's 30th birthday. the lot of us - jessy, matt (cousin-in-law), lin (aunt), dennis (uncle), alicca (sister), mike (brother-in-law), mom, ray (stepdad) and myself - flew ourselves across the country to celebrate. we checked into the flamingo and so began our weekend of compulsive gambling.
now in all my trips to vegas i've watched my dad and stepmom win time and time again playing the slot machines, so i thought that their luck might transcend time and space into the fingers in which i use to press the buttons on the machines. well for fuck's sake i thought i'd win at least one decent jackpot. $30 is decent, but not when a) i'm putting in more than i'm getting back and b) my mom's raking down $150 & $600 playing slots. she can be such a bitch sometimes. so we made our way to the hold 'em table at bill's - the cheapest game in town. the first night we played i was quite nervous seeing as i don't ever play hold 'em - live or online - and here i was gambling on a game i was a novice at. i donated $90 to bill's that particular evening. needless to say my first night of gambling had gone to shit, but not to worry...i still had 3 days to redeem myself. thursday? down.
friday rolls around, and the girls want to do more slot machining. i like to do more losing. the day is a blur of slot machine noises and 100 degree weather. later that evening the adults go to see "legends" - the celebrity impersonator show - while the kids go to see "o" - the coolest cirque de solei show ever. "o" kicked so much ass that all my losses and pissiness had immediately walked out the door. seriously...worth every penny. after the show, i find myself back at bill's with mike and only $20 to my name. i get it in chips and sit down for a spell. with my nerves from the previous night gone, i did a bit of ass-kicking. in particular, the kicking of a loud-mouthed, fat, drunkard who was giving everyone at the table advice on how to play hold 'em while listening to insane clown posse - you can't even write that shit. after telling the dealer, "you see this stack? i made this off of $20," it was the mission of the four other players at the table to chop this guy down to broke...and boy did we ever. the first up at the block to chop was me. i put him in almost half in on a hand and won - suddenly he got a bit quieter. the gentleman - whose name also happened to be mike - to my brother-in-law's right turned behind the dealer to address me and say, "we like you." then it was our new friend mike's turn to have at him. the fat turd was now drunk and had little money left. now what better way is there to beat an obnoxious asshole than to put him all in and hit on the river? there is absolutely no better way than that. i couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams i'd beat him on such a hand...and that is precisely what i did. i had a queen high hand and nothing on the turn, he had me beat with a low pair, when all of a sudden my queen's sister decided to come visit on the river card. everyone at the table's jaw's dropped. the juggalo lost it.
"oh i bet you're real happy you caught that queen on the river."
you bet your ass i was. i never like to beat anyone that way. in fact, later that night i took someone else out on the river and i apologized to her. i'm not one to like winning on the last card, but a wise man once said, "it doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile...winning's winning." never have you spoken truer words, mr. diesel. this guy had it coming, so nothing made me - and the rest of the table - feel better than to beat that particular guy that specific way. after the juggalo slurred out the previous statement, the rest of the table started in on him: "you didn't mind winning on the river the three other times you have tonight." he wasn't a man of reason, but a man of fine liquor and art. i quietly gathered up my winnings and waited with a smirk for my next hand to come. great success. i don't care how much money i'd win or lose the rest of the trip...i had won more in happiness than money could ever bring from that one queen. mike and myself played until the sun came out - meeting a couple of spritely scots along the way - and called it a day. i went to the poker table with $20 and left with $140. friday? still down a bit, but up in so many other ways.
after falling asleep somewhere around 6 a.m., i woke up at 1 in the p.m. i met up with my family walking the strip just to end up back at bill's. my luck had decided to fall into a pattern - i was to win every other time i sat down to play cards at bill's. having just won the previous session, it was my turn to lose. i tried my hand at three card poker having been guilted into it by mike. i've never seen $120 go faster in my life. a true sucker's game, that one. so with my lone $25 chip left, i sat down at the trusty ol' hold 'em table. my luck struck for a bit getting myself up to $100+ again. with some time left until a big dinner and bday celebration, i decided to stay - another poor decision. i pushed it all back in. now although my luck was shit for the day, i couldn't be mad at the hold 'em table...really i only lost $25 there. it was that goddamned sasquatch!...or three card poker table rather. so i left to change for the birthday celebration of a dinner at texas de brazil, and a two hour ride in a stretch cobalt. so after the celebration us "kids" changed up and met back up at the hold 'em table for my final evening of gambling.
i was not to break my streak of going to the table with $20 worth of chips, for it was the method to my madness. the first hand? king-jack. the flop? king/jack. the turn? jack. i was all in first hand, and it payed off. tonight was going to be a goodnight. i met a woman from australia who had to be at least 65 and she was delightful, and a good card player as well. she ended up being my good luck charm on my way to winning $450+. it's not because i'm some fantastic card player, i just caught a wave of cards like you wouldn't believe and i made the right moves to win pots. so then as she was about to leave i told her "if you leave, i'm leaving...because you're my good luck charm." she then handed me over a miniature koala holding a boomerang. i never thought i'd be a card player to bring a trinket to the table, but how am i not going to now? regardless of the charm, i still caught no cards after she left and i let my stack dwindle down to $400 when i decided to leave - also due to the fact that there were better card players at the table who i know would take my money if i stayed. saturday? up and up.
the following morning i got to see my pops along with being guilted into gambling more when i promised myself i wouldn't. my "winning every other time theory" was right, because i threw $100 to o'shea's $1/$2 game after going all in on ace/jack. ah what can you do? i was still up on the trip and i had redeemed my losses. all was right in the world. we caught the 5:55 p.m. flight home, strolled in around 11 p.m., enjoyed the drive home, and attempted at sleep.
this trip to vegas, unlike any other seeing as this was the first time i had money to gamble, would be one to remember. and it has now fueled my addiction to hold 'em. damn that sasquatch.
No comments:
Post a Comment